


Accidental Sweetheart

by GoodJanet



Category: It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
Genre: Banter, Bathroom Sex, Competition, Cunnilingus, Drinking, Extremely Dubious Consent, Friends With Benefits, Group Sex, Hand Jobs, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Incest, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Jealousy, Manipulation, Multi, Mutual Masturbation, Mutual Pining, No Incest, Rimming, Semi-Public Sex, Spitroasting, Unresolved Romantic Tension, Women's Underwear, Workplace Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-24
Updated: 2016-06-05
Packaged: 2018-06-10 09:56:51
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 7,974
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6951694
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GoodJanet/pseuds/GoodJanet
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Mac and Dennis will do anything other than admit their feelings for each other. They use Charlie as their whipping boy. Dee wants in.</p><p>
  <b>Heavy edits and additions made on 6-6-16</b>
</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Moments Like These

**Author's Note:**

> Link to prompt ~ http://dirtysunnysecrets.tumblr.com/post/75758922605/charlie-being-banged-by-everyone-well-not-frank

“Just get in here, dude,” Mac says.

He grab’s at Charlie’s patched sleeve. Charlie gives a sigh, but doesn’t fight it. This had to be like the twentieth time that Mac’s dragged him into the back office “to talk about work stuff” just in the past month. Charlie knows they think he's an idiot, but he knows when he's being lied to...especially when he’s heard the lie for the now twelfth time. Mac closes the door behind him.

“Look man.” Charlie throws his hands up. “I don’t mind being your dirty little secret or whatever, but not today okay? I’m really tired, and Frank didn’t have any lube hidden under the bar that I could borrow, so can’t you just beat off in here or something?”

Mac sits down in the swivel chair behind the desk.

“Sure, man. I’m not gonna raw dog you. Come over here for a minute.”

He gestures towards his lap. Charlie guesses that he's meant to hop on. Mac was playing it cool, so rather than argue, Charlie climbs up. Mac is quick to wrap his arms around Charlie's middle. His were so warm on top of everything else that Charlie found pleasant about him. Mac’s hands immediately run up inside his tee shirt as soon as Charlie relaxes against his friend's chest.

“Hey! I thought you said we weren't gonna go there!”

“Shhh, hey, it’s okay, buddy. I just wanna feel you. Your skin’s so cold and clammy. Let me warm you up.”

Mac’s hands run over his nipples, and Charlie feels them stiffen. He wiggles on Mac’s lap at the surge of warmth in his chest. Mac moans, softly. Charlie can feel his dick getting hard against his ass. Charlie nervously licks his lips.

“Mac, I don’t—I don’t know what this is, man, but—”

Mac puts a finger to Charlie’s lips. Charlie feels his nerves going crazy, but Mac was holding him pretty tightly, so Charlie forces himself to listen.

“You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do. Hell, I’ll settle for a blowjob.”

Charlie blinks and makes a face.

“You will? You’re the one that’s always saying ‘Charlie, bend over the desk’ and ‘Charlie, put your leg up’ and ‘Charlie, you can’t use leftover applesauce as lube’ and—”

“I get it! I get it, okay? But this time, I’m giving you a break, see? And if it’s good, maybe I’ll give you a reward.”

Charlie smiles crookedly, and Mac tries not to think about the time Charlie pulled out four of his own teeth.

“So what do you say?” Mac asks, smiling back in encouragement.

Charlie shrugs like he doesn’t care, but Mac sees he’s blushing a little, which is a surefire sign that Charlie is on-board. Mac releases him from his grasp, and even though he’s not going to be fucking Charlie from behind, he’ll still have the bruises on his hips to remember Mac by. Charlie unzips his pants, and Mac wonders if Charlie ever thinks about these moments in the days that follow. Mac certainly does.

Mac watches Charlie wrap both his hands around his dick and moans. Charlie wraps his lips around his cock, and Mac moans. He cups the back of Charlie’s head with one hand and wonders if Charlie ever looks at those bruises or licks his lips and thinks of Mac fucking him hard and fast. Charlie gags, and Mac already feels like he’s going to come. His mouth drops open in a moan, and he bites his lip between his teeth. He vaguely wonders if anyone in the bar can hear them or suspects. Would Dee care? Would Dennis? Charlie takes him deep.

“ _Fuck_ , Charlie.”

Charlie likes it when Mac remembers his name during moments like these. Charlie hates that Mac and the others have no problem telling him that he’s slow, forgetful, and stupid when Mac is the one who keeps calling him Dennis.


	2. Blurry

“You and Mac have been sneaking off a lot lately, dude. What are you up to?” Dennis asks.

His eyebrow is raised, which Charlie takes to be a bad sign. He decides to play it cool.

“ _Nothing_ , man! Don’t worry about it, alright? We’re just two dudes hanging out. It’s not weird, and it’s not a secret. There’s nothing to hide, so just drop it!”

Dennis laughs. It lights up his whole face in a way that makes Charlie uncomfortable. But that could just be the glue and cat food talking. It had a way of messing with him. It is in that moment that Charlie realizes he is alone with Dennis. (Dee, Mac, and Frank are busy closing up for the night.)

“If you say so, Charlie.”

Charlie breathes a sigh of relief when Dennis changes the subject to the Eagles instead. He leans over the bar and grabs them two fresh beers. Charlie is so relaxed that he doesn’t notice that Dennis has provided him a fourth, fifth, sixth, seventh, and eighth beer. Then Dennis switches them to Jack and Cokes, and things start to get fuzzy. He’s only vaguely aware of Dennis bringing up Mac again.

“’S nothin’, man. We-we just talk.”

It wasn’t a total lie. Mac did talk to him. Mac always suddenly got very wordy when he had his dick inside him. He would babble about Jesus and _warm, tight, good_...Charlie didn’t understand how one led to the other, but Mac always got him off, so he never really cared whether Mac talked too much or not.

“What do you talk about?” Dennis asks.

He wraps an arm around Charlie's shoulders.

“’M not drunk enough for this.”

Dennis pours him something stronger, and Dee gives them a suspicious glace, ultimately deciding she didn't care and would rather be in bed. Dennis slides the glass over to Charlie. Charlie downs the drink as memories of being fucked play through his mind. He always ends up at the memory of Mac telling him to close his eyes because they weren’t blue enough.

“Your eyes weren’t blue enough?”

Charlie shrugs and slumps forward. He blows a raspberry and starts laughing. Had he really just said that out loud?

“Who told you that your eyes weren’t blue enough?”

Charlie’s brows furrow as if that was the stupidest question he’d ever been asked.

“Mac did, dipshit.”

“ _Mac_ told you that.”

Dennis pours another drink.

“Ah, yeah, dude. Isn't that who we've been talkin' 'bout all night?”

“I’m cutting you off,” Dee says when Dennis makes a grab for another finger of scotch. "I want to go home."

Dennis flips her off and turns back to Charlie.

“And why did Mac say that to you?”

Charlie grabs for the scotch and most of it spills down his cheeks as he drinks it.

“Guys say weird shit like that all the time when they’re balls deep.”

Dennis nods.

“Yeah, I guess that’s—Wait, what the fuck did you just say?”

“Everything feels kinda blurry. Like TV static.”

Dennis’ voice gets serious.

“Is Mac fucking you, Charlie?”

And Charlie says, “Yeah,” because it’s easier than coming up with a new lie right now. Dennis nods his head again, but this time he looks mad, and Charlie doesn’t know if he’s mad at Mac or him or both. He kind of wants to go to bed. Dee had the right idea.

“Are you good to drive me home, Dennis? ‘M really tired.”

“No, I think we’re gonna sit right here. Until you feel better, that is. I need to keep an eye on you and make sure you drink some water.”

Charlie smiles crookedly.

“You’re so thoughtful, bro. You can be a huge prick, but like, I know you love me.”

Dennis pats him on the shoulder. Dennis is smiling again too.

“I’m gonna go get you a pitcher of water.”

It’s the last thing Charlie remembers saying before waking up after passing out on the bar. He's grateful he didn't fall out of his seat. He looks around and sees that the bar is dark except for a light coming from the back office. There was no one else around, and it was starting to freak Charlie out. There could be ghosts in the bar for all he knew.

“Frank? You in there? Dee?” Charlie pushes the door open and sees curly hair peaking over the back of the office chair. “Dennis?”

Dennis spins around in his seat like he’s in some 70s gangster movie.

“What're you doing in here?” Charlie asks.

“Well, I just thought we could do what you and Mac do in here. I’m assuming you do it here because your apartment is a rat-infested shithole, and Mac lives with me, so I’d know if he were fucking you there.”

 

“So what do you want from me, man?” Charlie asks, throwing his hands in the air. “I mean, you got some primo dirt on us now just like you've always wanted. What else do you want from me?”

Dennis stands and walks over to Charlie. He cups his hand over his cheek.

“Charlie, you know I hate it when my best friends leave me out of their activities, don’t you?”

“Yeah.”

“And you’d be pretty pissed if I left you out of an activity me and Mac were up to, wouldn’t you?”

Shit. The man had a point.

“Why’s it only dudes that want to fuck me all of a sudden? Why can’t Dee be the one to get all jealous?”

Dennis recoils.

“Ew, gross. Don’t bring up my sister when I’m about to bang you. I don’t want to think about fucking a bird when I’m deep inside your wet passage.”

“Okay, talk about gross! ‘Wet passage’? Is this some sort of fucking romcom romance chick lit smut right now? ‘Cause if you’re gonna be sappy and weird about this, then I’d just rather let you keep the blackmail info, dude.”

“Fine, fine, fine. Let’s just get this over with so Mac and I are even. Where do you keep your lube?”

Dennis makes a face when Charlie explains that Frank keeps some behind the bar. Dennis decides not to ask any more questions. He takes Charlie by the hand, but Charlie doesn’t complain because it’s still dark except for the office light the peeps through. Holding hands with Dennis in the dark makes him feel safe.

“Just drop your pants and put your hands on the bar. And—and I’ll do the rest.”

Charlie notes the change in his voice. It sounds deeper, but also kind of nervous. Dennis goes around to the other side to take some of Frank’s stash, but Charlie also watches him down something straight from a bottle of amber liquid. The moonlight from the windows and the slight incandescent glow from the office gives the whole bar a bluish-purple look. Dennis finished chugging and opens his eyes to look at Charlie, and suddenly he understands exactly what Mac meant when he said Charlie's eyes were  _not blue enough_.

Dennis wipes his mouth and walks around again.

“Are you ready?” Dennis asks.

Charlie’s pants are down and his hands are on the bar, but he still asks a question that’s been on his mind since he woke up:

“Why are you doing this?”

Dennis walks out of his line of site, and Charlie feels him come up behind him. Dennis’ hands go to his hips, and Charlie can’t say he’s surprised. They seemed to be a hot spot for Mac too.

“Just let me do this, okay?”

Charlie hears the lube cap pop open.

He's too scared to do anything but say, "Okay," in return.


	3. Safe Haven

Charlie had always thought of the bar bathroom as a safe haven. A place where no one would tell him to wash his hands or to plug up the glory hole. A place where he could eat his lunch in peace. A place where a dude could be a dude. Leave it to Dennis and Mac to completely ruin his fragile moments of peace with competitive bullshit that always ended up physically and emotionally harming Charlie in some way.

Charlie knows something bad is going to happen the moment Dennis and Mac walk into the bathroom together and immediately turn around to lock the door.

“What, guys? More Charlie work?” he says, hoping against hope. He fights the urge to gulp.

Dennis saunters over and runs a finger up Charlie’s arm.

“Something like that, buddy.”

“You have to admit, there have been significantly less rats around here.”

Mac smiles his puppy dog smile and stands on Charlie’s other side. He throws an arm over his shoulder.

“You really have been doing good work, Charlie. Dennis and I were thinking we might pay you back for it.”

"We were thinking your reward could be that  _you_ get to decide which one of us is more of a sex god."

Dennis snakes his hand up under Charlie’s shirt.

“Can't you just pay me in cash?" Charlie asks.

“That’s not really what I had in mind. Was that what you had in mind, Mac?”

Mac ruffles Charlie’s hair affectionately.

“No, not really, Dennis.”

Charlie looks to his left and his right. They were staring, hungry for him; he just knew it. He could feel their desire rolling off them in waves, and Charlie fights not to have flashbacks again. Charlie swallows and squirms out of their clutches.

“This is all about fucking me? Here and now? Like, be honest and tell me. You know I hate surprises. Especially in the bathroom. That’s a cardinal dude rule.”

“He’s got a point,” Mac says.

Dennis folds his arms and plainly states, “It’s about fucking you here and now in the bathroom.”

Charlie just stands there and stares. They’re both wearing their “fuck me” clothes, and Charlie hates that he knows that looks like. Mac is in a black tank and tight jeans, and Dennis is wearing a practically undone button down with no undershirt. Dennis smells like soap or some shit, and Mac smells like he took a cologne bath. Tendrils of anxiety spread out through his stomach as they look right back at him. Like they want to eat him.

“You’ll like it, Charlie,” Mac promises. “You liked it before.”

“But-but Dennis.”

Dennis swoops in again. His arm wraps around Charlie’s waist with a familiarity born from two decades worth of inappropriate closeness and touching. He kisses Charlie on the cheek.

“Let’s not pretend you didn’t blow your load all over the bar for me the other night.”

Charlie swallows hard as Dennis reaches for the button and zipper of his jeans.

“Remember how hard you got?” Dennis continues. His hand cups him through his briefs. “Didn’t you like that?”

“Y-yeah, but I. But Mac!”

“Oh, it’s okay. Dennis told me all about it.”

“He did?” Charlie gasps.

“Yeah,” Mac answers. “We’re best friends, aren’t we?”

“Well, duh.”

“Okay, so there shouldn’t a problem then, right?” Mac asks.

Dennis huffs a laugh in his ear, and Charlie shivers. He was definitely good and hard now, and he wondered if the guys were too. Did best friends really do this? Charlie feels like there was something he wasn’t understanding. It was a feeling he had gotten used to in his many years with the gang.

Mac moves in to stand closer to them, and he reaches for the mismatched buttons on Charlie’s shirt. He slowly undoes each one, letting his hands linger when new skin is exposed. Charlie whimpers when he teases his nipples. Dennis takes this opportunity to reach down and open his pants to free his hardening cock.

“You like that a lot, huh?”

“No shit, dude.”

Dennis lets Charlie lean back against him as Mac feels up his tits, and now Charlie knows for sure that Dennis was way into whatever this was. Dennis’ hand stops pumping his cock and trails down a little further to his balls. It was _his_ turn to make Charlie moan. Mac shoots him a look, and Dennis grins as if to say, _“See?"_

“Charlie, do you have the lube?”

“It’s behind the bar. You know that.”

“Why don’t you go get it?” Dennis suggests.

“Like this!? I’m hard enough to pound nails and my shirts undone, and you want me to go out there?”

“When has your appearance ever stopped you?” Mac asks.

Charlie blushed, but nods.

“Fair enough.”

The door shuts behind him, leaving Mac and Dennis alone.

“I told you he was into me!” Dennis says with glee.

“Whatever, man. He only did it with you once because you got him drunk first.”

“The point is, he let me fuck him in the bar too. But if we fuck him at the same time, then he’ll be able to tell us who he likes better. And if we do it at the same time, we’ll know if the other one is lying about being the best. It’s foolproof!”

Mac smiles wide as the plan washes over him.

“That’s a great idea!”

“I know, right!”

Charlie comes back in with the tube of lube, and they both turn on him and pounce. Dennis has the presence of mind to relock the door before he lets his shirt come off. Mac nearly has Charlie out of his ratty clothes, and Dennis feels the spirit of competition make his dick fill. He watches Mac and Charlie tumble a bit on the pile of clothes they made on the floor. Mac gets Charlie on his front and pops open the tube of lube. With no finesse, Mac squirts the goo over his fingers and shoves his thick fingers inside. Charlie moans and curses, and Dennis feels he can no longer stand idly by. He crouches down beside them.

“Hey, who taught you how to do this? You want him to enjoy this part too, don’t you?”

Mac removes his fingers, and Charlie breathes a sigh of relief. He looks over his shoulder.

“Maybe use your fingers instead of a battering ram next time?”

“It’s okay, baby boy. Daddy’s gonna take it from here.”

“Oh, gross,” Mac says, but Dennis ignores him.

Dennis grabs the tube and says, “Like _this_.”

And Charlie doesn’t sound like he was experiencing quite as much pain or discomfort as Dennis worked his fingers in. Then Dennis hits something inside, and Charlie moans as his hands clench Mac’s coat beneath him. Mac grabs his cock at the sight.

“Whoa, what did you just do to Charlie?”

“You ever hear of the prostate before?” Dennis asks smugly.

“Dude, I’m American. I’m pro every state.”

“No, idiot, _prostate_. Like a guy’s G-spot.”

“Oh fuck, we have those?”

“Yeah, dude!”

“Oh my god, if one of you doesn’t finish me off, I’m going to murder you in your sleep!” Charlie threatens, and Dennis resumes prepping him.

“So who do you want first, Charlie?”

Charlie whimpers as Dennis pushes in a little harder after asking and not hearing his name immediately.

“This crazy plan was your idea; I don't give a shit. I’d rather fuck the Waitress, to be honest. I’m only doing this for you two.”

“Aw, Charlie, that’s so sweet,” Mac says.

“I’m going first then,” Dennis butts in.

He removes his fingers and grabs Charlie’s hips. There were already faded fingerprints there, and Dennis wonders how many of those were from Mac and how many were from him. But then he stops wondering and realizes that the important thing is that he’s here now. And he’s better and thicker and can last longer than Mac. He pulls Charlie back until the front of his thighs were touching the backs of Charlie’s. Dennis wishes they were skin to skin, but knowing how irregularly this floor was cleaned, Dennis didn’t dare risk removing his jeans all the way.

Now that he was in the moment, Dennis wanted to tease himself a little bit. He lets the tip of cock catch on Charlie's rim and thrusts between his cheeks to the point that even Mac was starting to get impatient.

“Stick it in him or I will, bro.”

And Dennis does _not_ let himself think about Mac grabbing his cock and putting it inside Charlie. He does _not_ think about Mac getting behind him and fucking him into Charlie. And he does _not_ about Mac and Charlie begging him for _more more more_.

He thinks about it just enough that he comes hard and fast with only the tip of his dick pressed inside Charlie. Dennis' erratic, climactic thrusting does little to help him plead his case to Charlie. Stunned, he pulls out and sees the evidence of his blunder. His mouth drops open and his cheeks go red in shame and horror. Charlie squirms.

“Is that it? That was nothing like last time. Dude, are you feeling okay? Do you have whiskey dick?”

“Dude,” Mac says, the word long and drawn out in utter disbelief. “My turn!”

Dennis watches mutely as Mac changes positions with him behind Charlie. Before Dennis can even wrap his mind around prematurely blowing his load and losing the competition to the thought of Mac fucking him, he watches Mac grab Charlie’s ass between his hands, and, rather than sticking his dick in him, puts his _tongue_ there instead.

“Holy shit,” Dennis breathes as he watches Mac clean up the mess he left behind.

Mac moans as white drips down his cheeks and chin.

“Whatever it is that you’re doing, don’t stop doing it,” Charlie whines.

Every time Mac licks him, Charlie’s bones turn to putty, and his little cries for “more” are more cracked than a window in his apartment. Seeing his seed on Mac’s tongue was almost enough to get him hard again. And by the time Mac is actually fucking Charlie, Dennis is ready to go again, refractory period be damned. He gets the urge to move in front of Charlie’s mouth, which is already pretty slack at this point. 

“Don’t bite it,” Dennis warns, lifting Charlie’s chin with one hand and holding his dick in the other. “Or I’ll fuck the Waitress again.”

“Won’t. I won’t,” he promises, too fucked out to care.

Dennis glides in and lets out a stuttering breath as Charlie let his mouth get leisurely fucked. Satisfied, Dennis looks up from his cock and sees Mac watching him, still going at it like he had all day. Maybe he did.

“Glad you could join us,” Mac says.

“Y-yeah,” he stutters, blushing.

“So I won fair and square.”

Dennis swallows. He doesn’t care at this point. He really doesn’t. They’re fucking their best friend on the floor of the bar bathroom. Was there really a winner?

“You don’t have to rub it in my face, Mac.”

“Looks more like you’re rubbing it in Charlie’s.”

“Hey-o!”

They high-five over Charlie’s back, and they try not to think about how it’s the first time they’ve touched all night.


	4. Like Tissue Paper

Charlie sleeps for two whole days after his night with Dennis and Mac. He's not sure if he's feeling more physically or emotionally drained. Sure it felt pretty good in the moment, but they were rough, selfish, and messy, and Charlie ached all over. He was kind of pissed that they hadn’t even called him today to check in on him. He knows he shouldn't be surprised.

“What should I tell the guys?” Frank asks.

Charlie rolls over with a wince.

“I don’t know. Tell them that an asshole can rip in half like tissue paper after all, and I’m not happy that I know that firsthand.”

Frank makes a face.

“Yikes. I told you to be careful with that burrito you found in the park, Charlie,” Frank says before walking out the door.

Charlie holds his pillow over his face to keep from correcting Frank. He waits for the door to shut behind him before letting out a long, loud scream. Those dumbfucks had no idea what they were doing. Frank kept _plenty_ of lube at the bar, so there was no reason he should be feeling so sore. At least drinking a crapton of Frank’s mystery juice had helped with his throat. Dennis had taken his sweet time fucking his mouth while overcompensating for blowing his load super early in their proceedings. Like some high school freshman.

Charlie groans. And what the fuck was Mac’s deal? He took for fucking ever to come. What was the point of holding back for that long? Was he even enjoying it at that point? Charlie changes his tune and decides he’s actually glad that Dennis didn’t hold out. He wishes both of them had just left him out of their will they/won't they games.

The two of them were just the biggest douches. Well, okay, they did get him off too. Well, Mac did. Dennis tried, but apparently Charlie's junk was a turn off for him, and he stuck with dirty talk and some petting instead. Mac didn’t care about touching his cock. At least, he didn’t act like it. Mac’s hands were so warm and calloused...from all those barbells probably. Mac had rubbed his tip with his rough thumb, and Charlie thought he was going to die. Dennis looked super embarrassed that he had to watch from the sidelines while he waited for his limp dick to get hard again. Dennis had kept watching Mac the whole time, and it dawns on Charlie that maybe they were just using him.

That’s when Charlie realizes he’s hard right now. He moans when he puts a hand down his pants and tugs. He still feels so raw and sensitive. Shit, this wasn’t just going to go away on its own, and he couldn’t even touch himself without it stinging. He needed someone else to help him out.

Charlie flips over onto his back and weighs his options. The Waitress was never going to come over. Because when he’d tried to call her and tell her that they’d both been banged by Dennis, she told him to kill himself. And now that Mac and Dennis had made it clear that he was some sort of prize or fuck toy or tie breaker, he didn’t really have any desire to call them even though they were best friends and bros for life. Frank would probably fuck him, but Frank was into some dangerous, kinky shit, and all Charlie really wanted was a handy. That left Dee.

Charlie calls her and tells her his story, and she’s halfway through telling him to go fuck himself when he interrupts.

“It was Dennis and Mac.”

There’s a long pause, but Charlie knows she’s still there because he hears sounds from the bar in the background.

“What was that?”

“They took me in the bathroom, stripped me down, and stuck it in me, okay? Like, it was fine until it got sloppy, and they got kind of rough. I feel like shit, Dee.”

“Why didn’t you tell them to stop?” she asks.

“Okay, easy with the victim blaming, huh? I’m sure you of all people know how hard it is to talk with a dick in your mouth.”

“Jesus, Charlie. Why are you telling me this? What exactly am I supposed to do with this disgusting bit of information?”

Charlie swallows. She’s gonna say no. And he won’t blame her. It’s just, he doesn’t really think he should be alone right now. And he’s still hard. And all he can think about is their hands holding him down while he shivered and moaned between them.

“Can you come over?”

She gives a long-suffering sigh that turns into an annoyed grunt at the end.

“Okay, okay! But only because I feel really, really sorry for you. And I don't want you to kill yourself because of me.”

She hangs up the phone, and Charlie sighs in relief.

Dee opens the door to the apartment, and Charlie sits up with a wince. Dee notices.

“Oh, shit, so you weren’t fucking with me, were you?”

She tentatively sits down on Charlie’s side of the pullout. He doesn’t quite meet her gaze.

“And Dennis. Did he—?”

“Look, it was nothing. It was a bet they had or something. I don’t know why they didn’t bag some chick, but they've been acting weird as shit around me lately. It’s not fun anymore.”

“Charlie, I don’t like mushy crap, and I don’t do feelings,” she says, putting a hand on his knee, “but if they raped you, I will kill Dennis. And Mac. Chop their bodies up piece by piece, starting with their dirty little peckers.”

Charlie gives a little laugh. He knew Dee would fix this.

“No, no, it’s—it’s fine.”

Her hand was so warm.

Dee rolls her eyes.

“So why the hell am I here then? Why aren’t we both at work?”

Charlie licks his lips.

“Standing and sitting hurts, and my mouth hurts. And I keep seeing it happening to me. In my head. I don’t expect you to ‘do feelings,’ but I’ve been hard like all morning.”

Dee jumps up from the bed.

“Goddamn it, Charlie! I was your pathetic attempt at a booty call?”

She shakes her head and strides towards the door in contempt. God, they always did this. Every time! Dee grabs the door handle.

“I’ll eat you out,” he shouts, desperate to keep her here. And sex was sex, right? “If you give me a handjob.”

Her hand falls from the knob, and she stands there, weighing her options. It had been a while. And it was just his tongue. And she’s willing to admit that she has touched dicks far more terrible than Charlie’s. She sighs again and turns around; Charlie looks hopeful.

“Charlie, I swear to god, if you tell anyone about this, I’ll cut your dick off and feed it to you on a hot dog bun.”

“Jesus, Dee. So that’s a ‘yes’ then…?”

Dee kicks her shoes off and undoes her belt.

“It’s a ‘yes,’ dingdong.”

Charlie swears he’s never been more relieved in his life. He watches her pull her jeans off. The blue slowly makes way for her creamy smooth skin. Dennis’ skin was just as perfect, which he guesses makes sense since their twins and all. Could twins tell when their twin was getting off? Was Dennis going to find out by proxy?

“Dee?”

“What?” she asks impatiently. She’s stalling on removing her neon pink thong.

“So you and Dennis are twins, right? Won’t Dennis know we’re doing this?”

Dee strips her underwear off with a sound of disgust.

“I sure hope not.”

Charlie gets a quick look at her exposed ass, but then she’s pushing him back onto the mattress and climbing over his face.

“And don’t fucking stop until I scream,” she says.

With that, she lowers herself down onto his mouth, and leans forward to undo the tie on Charlie’s sleep pants. It’s no surprise that he’s not wearing any underwear. His dick is hard too, which she was also expecting. Little did she know that Charlie wasn’t the “teeny weeny” that the guys always say he is. He wasn’t huge or massive; he was actually normal. He had a normal dick that responded to her touch and—

“Oh, fucking god, don’t stop!” she groans. “Don’t stop! _Shit!_ ”

She rewards him with long, fast strokes. Finally, all her years of practice were finally good for something. And she has to give him his props; even when she’d milked him bone dry, the man didn’t quit until she screamed. No one had ever taken her seriously when she’d say that. But Charlie did.

She whimpers when she moves off of his face.

“Jesus, Charlie,” she says, face cracked with a smile. “That was—that was…”

She turns around to face him. He’s panting heavily, staring at the ceiling. His whole face is shiny.

“Charlie?”

“I think I know why they call you Sweet Dee,” he says.

Her cheeks go crimson. He licks his lips.

“Shit, I needed that.”

Dee nods. She didn’t know she needed it, but she’s glad she got it. Even if it was from Charlie.

“I’m gonna go,” she says.

That urge to run is coming back, and she quickly pulls her pants and shoes back on. Charlie gives her a tired wave when she’s at the door again.

“So long, Sweet Dee,” Charlie says.

The door clicks shut behind her. Charlie sits up a little and reluctantly wipes his face off on a dish rag. That’s when he notices that she left her thong behind.

He’s glad he’s got something to remember this by.


	5. The Implication

They’re sitting, crammed into a booth in the bar because Dennis swore it would be a hot scene if a customer accidentally walked in after seeing that the lights were still on, and the anticipation of being caught got him really hard, really fast. Charlie put up a token fight, but Dennis reasoned that the “implication” was too strong, so Charlie conceded yet again. Fortunately, he was small enough to fit between Dennis and the tabletop, which he was currently half sprawled out over. The cramped space made it easier to press into Charlie’s warm body without Dennis worrying about slipping too far out of him.

This was probably Dennis’ idea, Charlie guesses. Who else would decide to close the bar for the night at _eleven o’clock on a Friday_   for the sole purpose of passing Charlie around like a joint at a frat party?

“Fuck, baby, you feel so good,” Dennis moans into his ear.

“Dennis, I don’t. I don’t think—”

“Shhh, shhh, you don’t have to think. Do you even know how?” Dennis scoffs.

Only Dennis could be so casually cruel with his cock inside him. Charlie bites his cheek and silently curses Dennis (and Mac too), all while fighting back flashbacks to his childhood bedroom. Dennis was not his Nightman, but with unseen hands on his hips and insistent fingers pressing between his lips, it’s hard not to make comparisons. Dennis moans again, and Charlie relents and lets his fingers inside his mouth. He begins sucking on them too, just like he was taught as a boy. He knows it’s what his friend wants anyway, and if the way Mac is staring at them is any indication, it was a good move to make.

 

Clearly Dennis wasn’t the only one who found this hot because Charlie is watching Mac jerking off under the table. He’s still got his black tank on, but Charlie saw him unzip his jeans before sliding into the booth across from them with the intention to pound off, and then to eventually take things over after Dennis finished. Mac looks at them with eyes that are full of want and love, and Charlie isn’t exactly sure how to process that level of attention. He also isn't sure if the look is meant for him or Dennis, but he decides not to think about that right now. Then Dennis pushes into him further than was strictly necessary or comfortable.

“Ow, fuck, man,” Charlie hisses.

“Sorry, sorry,” Dennis says, but neither Charlie nor Mac is at all convinced.

“Be careful with Charlie, dude.”

Charlie feels his heart burst with sentiment, but Dennis just throws his head back and laughs. He reaches a hand around to stroke Charlie’s dick, and Charlie lets out a moan of pleasure.

“Better?” Dennis asks.

He immediately begins sucking on Charlie’s neck until his head lolls back onto Dennis’ shoulder.

“Better, yes. Fuck. Much better,” Charlie answers.

Dennis looks pointedly at Mac and says, “Now get off my back.”

The nerves that had been racing in Mac’s chest slow back down when he’s sure Charlie is okay and that Dennis was going to be more careful with him. It was so hot to see Charlie speared on Dennis’ dick like that. Dennis wasn’t terribly large, but with Charlie in his lap, he looked positively massive. He was so proud of Charlie for being able to take it so well because he knew that the while the tops generated the power, the bottom had to be strong enough to take it over and over again.

“’s too much, Den. God, stop, stop, stop,” Charlie weakly protests.

“Hey, hey, it’s okay, little man,” Dennis soothes.

He strokes gentle fingers down Charlie’s chest, stopping to tweak his nipples along the way. His hands go further down, and it turns out that Charlie’s ribs are ticklish, and Dennis nearly comes when he giggles and clenches on his cock in reaction.

Mac isn’t sure if Dennis would count this coddling as “engaging physically” or “nurturing dependence.” Maybe both. Sometimes he wishes Dennis would send a little nurturing his way; it always felt like he was begging for something that was never going to come. Speaking of…

“Dennis, when’s my turn? You’re taking forever, and I’m about to blow my load.”

“You can’t rush these things, Mac. You can’t rush perfection.”

“I wish you would,” Charlie interrupts. “I really wish you would.”

Dennis rolls his eyes. He’d be far more perturbed if he were fucking a woman or a man of some worth, someone who would appreciate his prowess and stamina, but this is Charlie, so he decides to stop dragging things out. As if on cue, he comes with a strangled grunt as his hips slam into Charlie’s ass until every drop had been wrung from his cock. Dennis takes his sweet time sliding out and watches as his come dribbles from Charlie’s hole.

“Can you jabronis open the door for me?” Dee shouts from the other side of the front door. The three men freeze when they hear the knob turning. And shit, of course she would come back to the bar at precisely this second. She marches over to their table with two large bags of ice. “You told me the machine broke, and we need ic—holy shit. What the fuck is going on here?”

Dennis grabs his discarded shirt to cover himself up. Dennis was vain, but if his sister was ever going to be in the position to see his dick, he certainly didn't want it to be when his dick was  _limp_ and covered in semen and lube. He’s guessing Dee doesn’t want to see that shit either.

“Charlie, what the fuck is going on?”

He musters up the energy to look her in the eye, despite looking more disheveled than usual. His pants and ratty shorts were down around his ankles, and his jacket had been removed completely. His threadbare tee shirt was still rucked up to his armpits where Dennis had been teasing him.

“They’re literally fucking me over.”

“Well, I haven’t yet. My turn is supposed to start when Dennis is done, but that’s when you showed up and ruined everything, Dee!”

Dee gives him the once over.

“Pretty brave words for a guy who’s clearly jerking off under the table he sat at where he watched his best friend rail his other best friend.”

Charlie and Dennis laugh because even in these circumstances, it was annoying to have Mac pull his holier-than-thou bullshit on them. Dee puts the ice bags down on a table and folds her arms across her chest.

“I want in.”

“Ummm, last time I checked, Deandra, you don’t have a cock,” Dennis says.

“Ummm, last time I checked, I don’t need a cock if I’m getting eaten out, do I, asshole? Charlie knows what I mean.”

Mac and Dennis stare.

“You’ve been fucking Sweet Dee, Charlie?” Dennis asks.

Charlie throws his hands up.

“I don’t know, man. Do handies and suck jobs count as fucking?”

Dee forces herself not to blush. She is desperate to keep her cool as the guys suddenly shift their attention to her. Mac looks particularly smug.

“Do they, Dee?” he asks.

“It was one time! And clearly you two have the same standards that I have. I know you’ve been pulling stunts like this with Charlie for weeks, so don’t act like I’m the only degenerate here.”

“Can I please just go home?” Charlie asks, head buried in his hands.

Dee turns to Dennis.

“Implication?”

Dennis nods his head because he knows she totally gets it.

“You can’t go home, Charlie. It’s my turn. You promised!”

Dee wrinkles her nose. God, they were acting like children. It doesn't stop her from pulling a chair over to the booth to watch. If only there was popcorn…

Charlie is slow moving to the other bench. Having his pants around his ankles kind of hobbled him, but something about seeing him struggle to move helps her understand why Dennis likes to bind (and be bound, if she’s remembering his parking lot screams correctly).

“Here, here, like this. Yeah, there you go,” Mac says, guiding Charlie with gentle hands. “Kind of, um, kneel on the bench now.”

Well shit. Suddenly Dee is glad she has two bags of ice with her because she’s gonna need some. The boys probably would too. Charlie’s sneakered feet hang off the end of the booth. His ass is right there, and she can see that Dennis has ruined him. How can Mac even stand to have his cock right there against his best friend’s mess?

She catches eyes with Dennis as Mac thrusts in. Dennis smirks at her like a shark.

_Oh._

_That_ was why.

Could they _be_ any more gay for each other?

“Easy! Easy, man. Jesus.”

“Don’t use His name here, Charlie. It’s not right.”

Charlie laughs like he might start crying, and Dee is torn between feeling sorry for him and wanting to see him cry some real tears. She pulls her eyes away from their fucking to ask Dennis his thoughts on the matter, and she finds him jacking off under the table, just like Mac had been doing moments ago.

“You’re already hard again? What’s wrong with you?”

“Nothing’s wrong with me, Sweet Dee. I’m just admiring the view.”

“So this is all happening because Mac doesn't want you to fuck him.”

Dennis shrugs noncommittally and moans as he strokes a thumb over the head of his cock.

“Come on, sis,” Dennis says when he catches her staring at him again. “Don’t you want to get off too? We can get off together.”

And shit, that does sound like a pretty damn good idea. She abandons her lone chair and sits beside her brother in the soiled booth. The view was so much better from here. She could see that little dewdrops had appeared on Charlie’s lashes, and that was enough to convince Dee to go for it. The fact that she was wearing jeans presented a bit of a challenge, but she went for it anyway. Her hand slips between her legs, and she sighs in relief. Now she could really enjoy the show.

“Charlie, Charlie, you’re so good. You feel so good.”

“Fuck,” Charlie mourns. “Fuck, Mac.”

God, things were really starting to heat up. Would Charlie start begging? Dee hopes so.

“Oh shit,” she moans.

Dennis, whose head was resting on the wall behind the bench, turns to look at her. He gives her a quick once over with heavy lidded, lusting eyes lingering on the hand in her pants. He could see she was wear a pair of pink panties with a bow on each hip. Dennis decides that he approves.

“Fuck, fuck, _fuck!_ ” Mac wails, snapping their attention back to him.

Suddenly, he’s coming inside Charlie too, hips jerking erratically as he milked himself into Charlie’s ass. There’s a gross wet sound when Mac pulls out, and Charlie's cheeks go crimson. Dennis notices that Charlie was sporting his usual thousand yard stare that he wore when they fucked, and there was something about that blankness that Dennis was drawn to. He wanted to force himself onto Charlie and make him feel how Dennis wanted him to feel. Dennis wasn't sure where Charlie went, but he certainly wasn’t at Paddy’s Pub. 

“You were great Charlie,” Mac says, clapping him on the back with a smile. The motion nearly sends him sprawling on the seat. “You’re almost done.”

To her, he says, “You ready, Dee?”

Of course she’s ready. She’s been sitting here soaking her seat until it was her turn. But Charlie, on the other hand, was not. Still hanging dong, Mac helps a shaky Charlie to his feet. Mac runs a hand through Charlie's wild hair before ruffling it like he used to do when they were kids. Broken as he undoubtedly was, even Charlie couldn't resist smiling as Mac did it.

“You’re doing great, dude,” Mac says.

Charlie nods, and then it’s just him and Dee.

“You could just lie back on the table if you want me to eat you out,” Charlie says.

She isn’t sure what she thought he would say. Maybe she was expecting him to argue or to convince her that this was a bad idea, that he didn’t want her. When it came to the gang, it was just easier to given in. If getting fucked in the bar meant that the status quo remained, then he’d do it. He wouldn’t like it, but he’d do it. For them. And so would she.

“What’re you waiting for, Dee?” Dennis asks. “Where else are you going to find another man willing to put his mouth on your baby patch?”

“You’re such a shitbag,” Dee says.

Charlie watches her stand up from the bench and kick her ballet flats into opposite corners of the bar. Her belt drops to the hardwood floor with a clink, and her hands reach for the button on her jeans when she realizes they’re all staring at her. They might as well have been drooling.

“Not such an ugly bird after all,” she says to herself.

She doesn’t let their staring get her flustered. She suddenly felt as though she were performing just as much as Charlie was. Dee folds up her jeans under their watchful eyes, puts them on her abandoned seat. Dennis licks his lips when she hooks her thumbs into her underwear. This was some serious biz.

“Dee, I don’t have all night, okay? Mac said we could play at the dump after this.”

“Are you saying that playing in trash at midnight is preferable to having sex and eating a pretty girl out?”

“Are _you_ implying that trash _isn’t_ pretty?”

“Goddamn it, Dee! You’re the only one who could ruin a perfectly good orgy!” Mac says.

Dee turns on him.

“Me? You two are the ones who ‘implicated’ your ways into fucking him.”

“Woah, woah, woah, the ‘implication’ method is very effective and is never used lightly. It’s _Charlie’s_ fault for allowing himself to be implicated.” Dennis says.

“Oh, I’m sorry! How exactly does getting fucked by you two and reliving my childhood nightmares count as _my_ fault?” Charlie asks.

“Because you’re an idiot, Charlie. That’s why.”

“Are you fucking kidding me right now!?”

“Hey, what the hell’s going on in here? Why is the closed sign turned on?”

It was Frank. There is a moment where the five of them sit in stunned silence when suddenly they all rush to try and explain:

"Actually, this is all just a—" Dee begins.

"What Dee means is that—"

“Well, you see, Frank,” Mac rushes to explain. “What you’ve actually just stumbled upon here is—”

“Wait just a cotton picking second!” Frank interrupts.

He looks at Dee, in only pink undies and a black tank. Dennis, whose shirt was unbuttoned and his pants undone. Mac, wearing only his RIOT tee shirt with socks somehow still perfectly in place. And Charlie, pants and underwear around his ankles, reeking of lube and sweat and come and all those other Charlie-specific scents. They hold their breaths.

Frank quirks an eyebrow.

“Are you guys playing strip poker _without_ me?”


End file.
